dude i'm inner monologue high
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
