my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
