I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
