She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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