chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
