no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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