Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
