I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
