# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
