If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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