He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
