Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
