i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this is an emotional support booty call
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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