bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
