after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
