the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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