dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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