Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
