please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
