At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
