You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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