Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
