eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
