I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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