that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she looked like the before picture.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
