If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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