Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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