The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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