worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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