there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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