What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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