so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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