I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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