she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
