i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
