He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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