when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
