Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
