oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
