he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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