he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
