using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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