laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
