i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
