Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
