so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
