he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
