Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
