you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
