it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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