Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
