The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
