Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
